im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
