census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
