I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
