i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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