Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
