We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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