dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
