I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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