I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
