a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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