mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
