I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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