How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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