She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
