wat bout pragnant strippers??
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
