Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
