you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
