He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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