Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
