I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
