Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
