Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
