Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can text with my tongue
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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