maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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