You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
