The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
