She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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