Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
