If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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