dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
