she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
why is half of my head shaved?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
