dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
