god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
