why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
