I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
