Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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