hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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