you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
not ubering you a puppy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
