So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
