She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she told me i tasted like america
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize