That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
