I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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