I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
