I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize