your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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