They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
