# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
