i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize