Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
