Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Found the puke drawer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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