no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
