can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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