Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
