Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
