i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
