I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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