I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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