what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize