So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
