Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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