we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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