All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
