i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
