I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
