I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
