first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
