I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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