We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
