I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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