I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
