you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
