I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
