the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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