I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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