I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
