Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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