Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
