The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
