also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
