I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love you. Go after that dick
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
