She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
