i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
