Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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