is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
