come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
