Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
