$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
