I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
