She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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