Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was born a porn star she said
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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