i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
