She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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