I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
