i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
