the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
