piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
