Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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