After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
