Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
