I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
