you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
