at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There r osticjed everywhere
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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