I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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