Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
