you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
