Screwed.edu
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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