why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
